I’m Just A Dumb Miner – But I Know The Unwritten Rules #1

There is an unwritten law in every workplace and in mining there are hundreds of rules amongst the mining personelle that we all usually abide by.  The judiciary of workmates can be a lot more harsh then the actual law enforcement, especially when the cops are not in town.

Unfortunately there are some wankers (aka Jackoffs, for those that that do not think these rules apply to them, and these pricks do not think of what their actions actually entail.

A person(s) will occasionally find an item on site that definitely is not a company own product.  Not handing it in to the supervisors (because somehow more products get lost in a system that doesn’t exist for lost and found), they will put up a notice to let people know they had found it.

I recently found a smart phone.  It obviously was not that smart, it lost its owner.  So I put up a notice because I know how much of a pain in the ass it is to lose a phone and all your contacts.

It read:


Smart phone of the Iphone lineage found in the carpark.  Unable to turn on to call “home” and no details provided on phone or its opening display.  Contained in a floral case with a key ring hanging from a zipper.

Contact ########## or see John during shift to organise .

This is where the no hopers approach.

“Oh you found my phone!  Can I have it please?”

“Sure, what type of flowers did it have?” I requested.

“Oh ummm, frangipanis or hibiscus’?  I always get them confused.”

“Piss off, ya dingbat”. *NEXT!*


“Git out of me face.” *NEXT!*

Sure as hell somebody finally picks that it’s daisies and a sky (light) blue background colour.

“Right, I am going to have to ask, did the case flip open upwards or sideways?” The next step.


“Garn git fucked.  Go on, git!”

We work towards the phone slides out of its case, is an IPhone 4 and has a daisy keyring.

I had around three enquiries once they hot the wall of “what’s the key ring have engraved on it?”

I nearly gave up and was considering handing it into the police station, when a sheila sat down at the same table as me, on my last night before going home.  She was on the opposite roster and I was introduced along with others at the table.

“What’s ya last name Anne?” I enquired.

The old bird looked skeptical as she answered me “Spice.  Why?”

I took the phone out of my bag and handed it to her. ” ’cause I found ya phone”

Curiosity eventually grabbed a hold of a work colleague and he asked how I knew it was hers. “The keyring had her name.”

Rule 1: If it belongs to a workmate – don’t claim it.

John The Aussie

~ by John the Aussie on December 6, 2011.

Go on, give us a yarn or two, mate.

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