I’m Just a Dumb Miner – And i work for you???

So I’m sharpening bits (as I do, you know because it’s my profession at the time) – I call one of my many f’n bosses about my expense claims and the conversation rolls like this


Boss (B)- Hi John

Me – Hi mate, just ringing up about the expense claim from last month

B-  I just went over it and sent you an e-mail about it, though you usually don’t check them until the afternoons

Me – I don’t what the email say?

B – I was wondering why you claimed fuel?

Me – Power was out at the mine when I left.

B – so it was too dark to fuel the car up?

Me – that and the pump runs on electricity, it’s not 1920…

B – so why didn’t you wait for the power to come back on

Me – fatigue issues, I was knocking off work and I wasn’t waiting around four hours to drive another 2 hours home, so I stopped at the first service station and got enough fuel to get home and back to work.

B – okay thats fine than.   Now about your travel meals.

Me- Yup?

B – you are aware that you cannot claim them?

Me – I have been for the last 8 months, it was explained to me by you that I could.

B – At the time of your start date we were allowed for any travel over 100km – but this got out of hand with a few employees doing deliveries, driving daily to work, etc.

Me – so everyone else ruined it so I cannot stop and buy a snack to break up the trip home after a 12 hour day at work.

B – unfortunately yes, I will allow this transaction because we have no record of you getting the memo.  But we should be able to work something out for those who work longer hours than some

Me – and those who don’t see home everynight?

B – some people yes

Me – don’t worry about me – I’ll avoid fatigue by leaving work earlier which than will not impede during my usual dinner time and so I can be home for dinner on my last days.

B – umm sure ok, ummm, is that going to be okay?

Me – sure or you could pay for accomodation at the pub for the night – I’m not booked into camp on the weekends.

B – oh, umm, I’m sure it won’t be a problem knocking off early on your last day to avoid fatigue.

Me – righto mate, gotta go, drillers are walking over.

B – no worries, I’ll have it approved today.

Me – Thanks bye

BEEP – end call

John The Aussie

2 hours later


Me- Company Name, John Speaking.

B – hey mate, just catching up.

Me- to who?

B – with work and how things are going up there?

Me – good, working like a two dollar whore in a monestary…… blah blah blah (long boring speach about work)

B – good to hear – listen we are restructuring the deligation of jobs to supervisors and (another long winded boring bits)

Me – so who do I anser to now?

B –  Guy 3

Me – Wat happened to guy 2 and 1?

B – oh, guy 3 speaks to them.

Me- so I answer to guy 3 who in turn answer to 1 & 2 and who answer to you , who than you answer to the big knob?

B – yeah

Me – but I don’t call 1 & 2 as it is, I skip all the bullshit and just call you

B – I know and so does everyone else and it’s taking up allot of my time when you all call me.

Me – but you called me.

B –  I mean at other times

Me – I send email every week instead of calling.  I call when a job is needed to be done now becuase nobody could be fucked doing it previously when I asked.  Even than I have to go over your head to have things done.

B – What are you suggesting?

Me – well guy 3 has no idea wtf my job entails, I think I will deal with him directly.  I will still send weekly udates and I have to go the driller are walking up

B – the driller come over often don’t they?

Me – to be honest no – it’s just my way of saying I got work to do and your holding me up.

B – *chuckles* oh okay, well good luck with all the bits and extra load.  Good talking to you again,   we’ll talk later next week. See ya John

Me – See ya mate.

BEEP – end call

Me – wait you wanna call me next week?

John The Aussie



Stockmaster – Hi John, just chasing the stocktake.

Me – Yup sent it thru this morning

Stockmaster – what time

Me – 0530

Stockmaster – oh shit, I don’t think my email gets up that early. okay let me just go over it while I got you on the phone

Beep – end call

Me – do it on your own time.

5 minutes later


Stockmaster – sorry got disconnected, there seems to be a miscount on some of the stock – its saying ther has been no usage

Me – thats because there hasn’t been

Stockmaster – I don’t understand

Me – we go thru this every week for the last 4 years – if it shows up as zero it means I did not sell any to the mine this week or month..

Stockmaster – It shows up differently on this end

Me – It shows up on your end how much I have on hand still, the stuff I did not sell, if it matches the what the stocktake says I should have it means I have had zero usage.

Stockmaster – right, I just can’t seem to get my head around it.

Me – just use my paperwork instead of yours, this is why I have the information and invoice quotes done before you guys, my paperwork is easier to follow.

Stockmaster – yeah but i’ve been using mine for 5 years.

Me – and we do this every week.  Talk to ya next week mate, drillers are coming up.

Stockmaster – ok bye John.

Beep – end call



  • Boss still like my random similies and metaphors – and my bluntness enough to call me
  • Bosses who never worked in the field unfortunately have no idea.  And I have no bosses that have worked in the field.
  • Those of us that do know what ppm and service contracts entail band together to work without the bosses help.
  • Bossess are happy if they don’t get involved in your work and just get to see the results and $.
  • This job really should include a hammock, a bottle of booze and phone you can reach down and bitch slap people.  This will ensure sanity is kept.

John The Aussie

~ by John the Aussie on July 7, 2011.

One Response to “I’m Just a Dumb Miner – And i work for you???”

  1. […] I’m Just a Dumb Miner – And i work for you??? […]

Go on, give us a yarn or two, mate.

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