I’m Just a dumb Miner – whats your excuse? Battle of the sexes…
Jade –
Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
John –
♀Women♀ are like snowflakes –
•They are all beautiful.
•They are all different.
•They can all be cold as ice.
•But they’ll all melt when they land on your face………
Mal –
Men are like….. Lawn Mowers. If you’re not pushing one around, then you’re riding it.
John
and to cover my arse
“Women are like teabags; you never know how strong they are until they’re put in hot water” Eleanor Roosevelt:
John –
LOL ok lets play…….
…the stock market
They’re irrational and can bankrupt you if you’re not careful.
…computers…
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you’ve already got one.
…Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
…horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
…parking meters
If you don’t feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
…fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
…political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
…refrigerators
They’re always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
…blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
…country western songs
They’re annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you’ll get depressed and drink a lot.
Mal
haha.. game on.
Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
Mini skirts.
If you’re not careful, they’ll creep up your legs.
Placemats.
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
Plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY.
Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
John –
A woman is like a pack of cards …
… You need a heart ♥ to love her
… A diamond ♦ to marry her … See more
… A club ♣ to smash her head in
… And a spade ♠ to bury the bitch
Jade
ok John, this one is for men not women!!! we clean up after you buggers
…horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
John –
Women are like guns you feel good having one but eventually you want to shoot it.
John –
dammit really tring to keep this clean – I got lots of errr adult minded ones…..
Jade
go for it!!!
Mal
lol.. Men are like….Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.
John –
lol – okay I am not responsible for the following –
Women are like –
Buses – because if you miss the first one, the next one is on its way as long as you stand on the corner with your money ready….
orange juice cartons,
It’s not the shape or size or even how sweet the juice is,
It’s getting thoses fuckin flaps open
A Diesel Engine – slow to start up but once they get going HOLD ON
Tea-strainers – they retain some stuff but it’s rubbish!
A 500cc speedway bike – hard to handle and hard to stop!
An overfull suitcase – impossible to shut up!
An exercise bike – they make you sweat but you never get anywhere with ’em!
A yo-yo -.. they never know whether they’re coming or going!
A lottery ticket – if you’ve got the balls you’ll be onto a winner!
An uninvited guest – how the hell should we know when they’re coming?
A broken ATM -. you can never get money out of them!
A bad weather forecast- a depression usually brings on the waterworks!
A feather quill – used to be quite handy but they don’t work much these days
A sharp razor blade – always cutting!
A Post Office savings book – if you haven’t got much they show little interest.
A first-aider -. they’ll help a bit but will never have you in stitches.
Devonshire cream – thick and full of clots!
A mobile phone – press the right buttons and they might get the message!
Soccer field – From time-to-time the goal may be obstructed by a highly absorbent goalie
AFL – Be careful, as after a few pints a ground appears to be of Premiership standard but in reality would not even be eligible as a council dumping ground.
NRL – Tackling from behind is not always an offence – check with ground owner.
telephones – They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you`re DISCONNECTED
John –
oh and ok – horse comment can go towards the ‘women’ score…..
(but it was designed for a joke in the bed. Not in general)
ok definateley going back to work now – I’ll give you until I get back on this afternoon to beat my score……..
Jade
lmao that devonshire cream one was disgusting!!
Mal
“Popcorn.
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Bras.
They offer light, medium and complete support.
Buses.
They come every 15 minutes.
Fires.
They go out if unattended!
High heels.
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
Recliners.
You pull the lever and they lay back
Oreos.
Once you eat the cream they aren’t good anymore!
Curling irons.
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
Teeth.
You ignore them – you lose them.
Husbands are like….Children
They’re fine if they’re someone else’s.”
John –
heheheh I kept some as backup……..
Elephants – Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to maintain one.
Kentucky Fried Chicken – After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in….
The rose -The body is God’s greatest achievement. Of course He could have made it to last longer, but you can’t have everything
A giant sculpture – From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
like tires – There’s always a spare.
cabs – they never take you exactly were u want to go
ovens – leave a bun in one and you’re in trouble
Indy Tracks – There is a vast difference in grounds with regards to length and width, thus varying the quality of the play.
Golf course – Pitches vary from the well-grassed to the completely bald
World Cup – Remember it is possible to score at both ends, but one end per 45 minutes is favourable
Windows Hearts – Only some grounds offer five-a-side facilities
Spa chair – If the perch does not seem to have heating suggest getting off, possibly even contact coroner.
Warm toilet seat – they feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Armed services paintball championship – When building a team it is always nice to finish with Seaman at the back
Grassy Hills on a rainy day – they allow for an easy and long slide
Underwater caves – Always tread carefully when leaving and entering the tunnel -there could be crabs
Massage parlours – Always be on the look out for rooms that hosts ladies two evenings a week
Phone/Email reminders – Handy but always interupting the good shit
Air – Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any
Tiles – You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
tornadoes – They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave
John –
And for both sides –
Men are like a fine grape:
— They are best kept in the dark.
— They can’t handle too much heat….
— They perform best when they are stepped on.
Women are like the wine that comes from the grape:
— They are sweet, vigorous, and full-bodied when they are young.
— They don’t age well without preservatives.
— They become sour and vinegary if they remain bottled up.
John The Aussie 
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