Christmas in Australia 1 sleep to go!
Oh! It’s Christmas Eve in the Farmhouse
Oh, it’s Christmas Eve in the farmhouse,
The husband’s still out on the land.
The creator of “Harvest with Christmas”
Needs a clip with the back of my hand.
I’ve got presents and food to the eyeballs,
And nothing is wrapped or prepared.
I think I’ll end up in a nuthouse,
For this Christmas is driving me mad.
I’ve no help from my husband, the farmer,
As to what to give Ethel or Jim,
He’s so bloody busy with harvest
It could be Boxing Bank Friday to him!
So I’ve sent cards to his friends and relations,
Including Aunt Dolly who died……
Well I didn’t know she had not long to go,
What a faux pas to make at Yuletide!
The two-way incessantly calls me
From preparing and stuffing the bird,
I must ring for a truck, then take lunch out,
Christmas peace on the farm?- How absurd!
The husband’s possessed with a demon,
And there’s just forty hectares to go,
For we’ve GOT to be finished by Christmas,
He can’t wait for that very last blow.
Now the bushfire set’s feeling lonely!
For it’s just crackled loudly to life,
So I’m relaying messages wildly,
Oh, the joys of a harvesting wife!
By now the phone’s covered with flour,
The two-way has stuck to my palm,
The mince pies have burnt in the oven,
And set off the damn smoke alarm!
I’ve been out and chopped wood for the aga,
And removed the pet roo’s pooh and grot,
I could do with a helper from Santa
For I’ve strained every muscle I’ve got!
No Christmas good will for the meat ants,
Whose nests I have poisoned I fear,
The horrible blighters are terrible biters
With a penchant for turkey and beer.
Yet inspite of the stress and the frenzy,
I’ve almost got everything done,
The lawn’s mown and the garden’s been watered,
Chooks fed, and the dogs have been run.
The stockings are hung by the chimney
And the children gaze up at the tree,
Then Dad arrives in from the paddock,
Harvest’s over! We’re shouting with glee!
So we sit and relax on the verandah
With a mince pie and icy cold beer,
Yes, it’s Christmas Eve in the farmhouse,
A wonderful time of the year!
© Victoria Brown