Aussie Spiders

In recent light of a few followers being shot scared of spiders, so much so they refuse to visit Australia to buy me a drink.  I am exacting revenge via pictures sent to me by another friend who is trying to convince me Australia is more dangerous than New York City.

So if you’ve got a fear of spiders, I warn you now, don’t scroll down.  (PS, it ain’t really that bad.)

Welcome to my back yard. (being Australia, not my actual property.)

John The Aussie

John The Aussie
John The Aussie

John The Aussie
John The Aussie

John The Aussie

John The Aussie

John The Aussie

John The Aussie

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~ by John the Aussie on September 15, 2012.

109 Responses to “Aussie Spiders”

  1. And I thought our rattlesnakes and tarantula “hawks” (wasps the size of hummingbirds) where bad. You win. Uncle! Uncle!

  2. I’d rather go to New York City, John. I’ll take being mugged over one of those any day.
    Thanks for sharing… I think…

  3. Wow I cannot bring myself to like this post :(

  4. Hmmm..Mental note, don’t show Lori this post. Question though, are they edible?

  5. I really like the one about having health bars! LOL!

  6. Thank you very much for the visits.

  7. I should not have scrolled down!! *Shudder*

  8. The spider eating the bird is the most disturbing. It’s just wrong.

  9. I’m just a guy with a poetic reply…

    Australia has many arachnoids,
    It’s true, that’s a real factoid;
    They eat snakes and birds,
    And Miss Muffet’s curds,
    They’re something we sure want to avoid.

    Compliments of Humorous Interludes

    http://ronyaroshauthor.com/

  10. Now I see why you want to drive those big trucks and earth movers. If you see a spider attacking, you can run them over before they get you.

    • Actually some have made a decent nest in the nooks of the truck. A pain in the ass when doing a pre start. But I go Kung Fu professional in a matter of seconds when walking into the webs.

  11. Those are awesome. My favorites were the daylight savings time and snake ones. Win!

  12. Dear John,

    I couldn’t look so I scrolled down really quickly to the bottom of the page then scrolled back up to comments to tell you I couldn’t look.

    Love Dotty xxx

  13. Wow! It’s the little ones that you have to be really scared of, right?!

    How often would you actually find a big badass in your house? I mean, are you less likely if you’re in a city as opposed to the outback…?

  14. I have always wanted to visit Australia, unfortunately I hate to fly! While on a Caribbean cruise I tried to talk the captain into making a left turn to Australia, but he wouldn’t go for it because of the lack of fuel stops.
    I hate spiders, always have, always will. This has been exasperated by being bitten by a Brown Recluse spider while in Cuba a few years ago which resulted in me having to have a chunk of my big toe amputated so I wouldn’t lose my foot.
    With my kind of luck I would probably be bitten by one of your oh so poisonous snakes & a poisonous spider, then on the way to hospital I’d be attacked by a great white shark!

  15. Someday you’ll have to do a series on all the Ausrailian animals that won’t kill you in your sleep.

  16. WTF????? All i will say on this.

  17. lol I love this post John, and I can’t wait for summer to really hit here in Nulabubble so that I can take more piccies of these crazy monsters.

  18. Could you fax me a couple to get rid of the beautiful reptiles in my yard?

  19. I’ve never been afraid of spiders. Until I saw these. The one of the spider with the snake, and the one of the spider legs lurking under the clock made the hair on my arms stand up. No wonder you Australians are so tough.

    • I wouldn’t say the population is tough, city slickers have no clue and run screaming “KILL IT! KILL IT!”. While the rest of us just ignore it, or if like me, relocate the huntsmen spiders to the shed / garage where they hunt other spiders down.

  20. Hate. You.

    Austrailia is home to the deadliest snakes and spiders. I decided years ago that Austrailia is off my list.

    Is New Zealand as bad?

    • No, New Zealand is to cold for snakes and have only one venomous spider. The same, nearly goes for Tasmania (most southern state of Australia). But the mainland is like a real life hunger games, without the games.

  21. WHAT…..THE….F?

    This post will haunt my nightmares for years to come.

    • Finally! A way to get back at nightmares!! I have some great national geographic pictures that I cannot post due to rights and copywrite. But I can send you the cut outs

      Oh… Wait…

  22. Its official mate im not goin within 100000 miles of you…

  23. The nasties are the thing that would put me off visiting Australia, I know it’s a shame, but we just have it so easy here in the UK when it comes to nasties, we’re just not used to them!

    • You know, America, South Americas, Africa, Asia and the warmer parts of Europe have just as deadly animals as well right?

      I hear Antarctica is nice during the summer.

      • It’s true. I lived in Vegas for a few years, and we had black widow spiders in our garage, and the potential for brown recluses, as well as snakes and mountain lions (unlikely to venture down but not impossible), not to mention the tourists – they were pretty scary sometimes! And I wasn’t a nervous wreck worrying about these creatures. When you live somewhere, it’s often not as bad as it might seem from the outside is it.

      • Aye, adapt or die in every country.

        UK has the Water shrews (nasty rashes for adults but bad for kids), deers (75,000 causing collisions a year), Portuguese Man O’ War (thanks to storms), Biting Spider / False Black Widow, badgers, the adder, sharks, and pikes. But it’s funny how wasps/bees are listed as the top 3 most dangerous animals in the UK.

  24. Wow! They’re creepy! I like the one with the snake in the web. I’d show these to my wife … but… I like my life. ;)

  25. Now we know why Australia is so underpopulated! Every time you venture inland a snake or spider will take you out, if you go for a swim you’re likely to make an appetizer for a salty or white pointer, hell, even your practically invisible jellyfish will kill you…no wonder why Australians love their beer so much, each one is likely to be their last!

    BTW – I hate spiders, absolutely can’t stand them! But I have two daughters that actually own a tarantula and a couple of black widow spiders! Nothing compared to your Sydney Funnel Webs, but enough to earn my healthy respect.

    Great post!

  26. Yay for spiders. I have two lovely black widows as pets. :D

  27. I have not yet had the opportunity to visit Australia. However, although those beasties were scary, I’m not surprised. Sharks, serpents, spiders, dingoes and ultraviolet rays. You people are pretty tough.

  28. Holy moly!! Those spiders are horrific!! I’m shuddering just looking at them!

    • And here I was yesterday handling them ata a local wildlife sanctuary.

      • You were not!! Fair dues to you, I’d run a mile. :D I take it you’ve no spider fears so! Haha

      • No phobia, but I’m not silly enough to pick them off a web. We had non-venomous spiders to handle, but still big. We lost one under my shirt for a bit.

      • Under your shirt?? I’d have lost my head!! I was in Japan once, up in the mountains, I turned my digital camera over to see a large spider scurrying up the side of it (it was big but nowhere near the size of your beauties there!). With an inhuman shriek, I chucked my expensive photograph-taking machine to the ground and dashed about half a mile down the road away from it! To make matters worse, across the road, there was a school tour with about forty kids laughing and pointing at me. *face palm*

  29. Ok if I didnt live here Id be shit scared to visit too ! Although I was so proud of myself last night , I had to deal with a huntsman cos Dave works away .. Id love to say I did it in true bush style byut I actually stood 5 meters away with insect spray and aimed the entire can at the poor bugger ..

  30. I always wanted to visit Australia.

    That is no longer a goal.

    OMG those aren’t spiders, they’re terrorists.

  31. * shudder * I think I’ll keep my brutal winters instead…

  32. Wow your kidding?

  33. John,
    You’re blogging? I had set you at once a week, but I’ll change this to daily. Why be afraid of spiders when you think of Australia, when the kangaroos are the real threat? And sharks… I mean, I hear you have sharks everywhere, in people’s pools, too, and in supermarkets. The movie Bait made light of this.
    Le Clown

    • Gday Le Clown

      I’m attempting to blog regularly, we’ll see how I go.

      Australia has he best anti venom response in the world, but it still hurts like hell when bitten. Roos are a threat if you try to catch a wild one, or like deer, are forever jumping in front of cars, and man they got some mean claws that can open your rib cage.

      You got more of a chance being killed by a coconut while relaxing on a beach than by a shark when swimming in the ocean. Unless your swimming in a channel, than consider yourself SHARK BAIT ooh haa haa. (Finding Nemo)

      John

  34. When I visited Sydney years ago I always kept an eye out for Funnel Webs. Of course there were more dangerous spiders in the houses and rooms I stayed in around New South Wales. I’ll get back down that way someday…

    • That’s just it, keeping your eyes out. Before you sit down on an outside chair, tip it to rid debris off the top and look under for webs at the same time. It’s the small things that helps prevention.

      Where are you headed next time you visit?

  35. I’m definitely not visiting any time soon. Seriously, there should be minimum weight and height requirement to visit Australia. Spiders have never really terrified me, till now. You win.

    – signed Scared Shitless in Indiana by way of Nassau, Bahamas.

    • I think Tourism Australia Mafia is going to come at me soon. Most of these are one offs. The bigger the less harmful to humans, and unless you plan to bush trek you probably won’t encounter them.

  36. *gasp*
    I’m definitely NOT going to be sleeping tonight.

  37. I had no idea spiders were THAT big in Australia. WOW.

  38. That. Is. Insane. Truly the stuff nightmares are made of. They eat birds there? Ack!
    I always wanted to visit the land down under. Now I’m not so sure! LOL

    • As long as you don’t walk through a dense rainforest or scrub, you’ll be fine. Just don’t stray from paths….

  39. Okay, I Coffin Hopped all day and read some pretty freaky stuff, but this is going to keep me up tonight! Ugh!! (Wipe your ass is my fav of the bunch) ;}

  40. Scary as Hell, I’ll send you a cheque to buy that drink right away. Damn, there’s a spider sitting on my chequebook.

Go on, give us a yarn or two, mate.

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