ornithorhynchus paradoxus

•September 3, 2014 • 7 Comments

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Let’s Play A Game

•August 31, 2014 • 10 Comments

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Abandoned in the middle of the highway

•June 12, 2013 • 13 Comments

Picture this…. I’m driving home just got past Inkerman on the way to Home Hill and here is a car stopped on my side of the road in the middle of a two-way highway. I slowed and overtook it with care (oncoming traffic and traffic behind me). I immediately threw the hazard lights on and did a u-bolt and drove back down and parked in a farm drive way. Thinking twice, I grabbed my work pocket knife and locked the car… C’mon, we’ve all heard the stories…

There was no driver. I called 112 (emergency mobile number) and spoke to the very helpful cop as I walked to the car “Hello Townsville Police Emergency Response” “G’day, there is a car parked in the middle of the Bruce Highway between Inkerman and Home Hill, I am wlking towards it now to attempt to push it off the road.”

“Okay, do have a rego number?”

“Hang-on I’m putting it in neutral” I found the keys missing, but windows down, sandals still on the floor of the drivers seat. Where the hell is the driver? “I’m pushing it off the highway now… Fuck Steering lock is set wrong…. Hang on.” “Excuse me? Is the…”

I put the phone in my top pocket and shoulder charged the cars front side… These new subaru’s are very light…. The wheels turned enough with the half inch movement of the front end, I picked up the phone “hopefully this works, the steering lock is on.”

“Is it safe to move the vehicle?”

“I’m wearing high vis and traffic is slowing down for me… But I can’t leave it on the road.”

“Okay, do you have the rego number”

“gimme a sec, still pushing, it isn’t a good angle…” 15 meters later…

“Okay I got the rego it’s ******”

“Is the car off the road? IS there any other hazards?”

“Nope, all good mate.”

“Can you see the driver?”

“Gimme a sec..” I look into the drains on either side of the road, look up and down the highway. “Nope, long gone, but there is a car pulling over.”

“Okay John, I will see if I can contact the driver, can I call you on this number?”

“Yup, no worries.”

The cop hangs up and that suspicious car pulls up with three blokes in it the driver asks very sternly in a thick Korean accent “Where is the driver?” (Well this is suspicious)

“Dunno, mate. The car was in the middle of the highway and I had to push it off the road, the cops are about to call me back after they contact him.”

“What were you doing to the car?” he asked very angrily

This time I explained slowly as I grew to my full height with chest semi puffed out… “The car was in the middle of the highway parked right in the lane… There was no driver, no keys, so I had to push the car off the road before there was an accident.”

“Where is the driver?”

“I don’t fucking know, he wasn’t here. The car was parked in the middle of the bloody highway and I pushed it off the bloody road before an accident happened.”

The passenger gets out quickly, and I was put on the back foot and pulled my puncy pocket knife. “No, No, I gotta check the car” he says, and decides to move around the back of the car instead of my way. I put the work knife back in my pocket, genuinely relaxed now as I see the driver a little shaken. “You called police?” in a friendly tone

“Yeah, mate…” I replied back just as friendly, “It is a reported incident and just in case the driver was hurt.”

The phone rings and I answer it. “Hello John this is ***** from Townsville police emergency response”

“g’day sir”

“I’ve contacted the driver, he is about 70 and says he is walking back with a battery now.”

“Okay mate, thanks for that, a car pulled up asking for the driver, the rego is *****.” I followed with a description of the drivers. The polite police man reckons “Covering all bases, eh John? Thankyou for you help and removing the car from the highway. The driver should be there soon.”

“You said he was walking back?”

“Yes.”

“I can see both ways for 50 clicks… There is no-one walking.” I remarked with concern

“I’m sorry John, but now that the hazard has been removed and the driver has been contacted and it seems there is people there waiting for him there. There isn’t an immediate emergency, no longer. We can follow this up, though.”

“nah, no need to press charges or anything, no-one probably stopped to pull over, I know there was 50 cars in front of me stuck at the last road works. But if a report is required you know how to contact me.”

“HA! Righto, John. Thankyou once again, and if we need to follow this up we’ll contact you. Thanks again.”

“See-ya”

I told the driver of the suspicious car the other dirver was walking back with a battery and as I left hime with a confused look across his mug I jumped in my car and started to drive off slowly to make sure I didn’t hit the passenger running across the road. The driver yells out “Thankyou, you are a very kind person.”

I nodded and waved and headed home.  That’s my good deed for the month.

•February 20, 2013 • 10 Comments

Zombie Silhouettes is having a contest with a good sized package… Check it out.

Murphy’s Road Rules #030

•February 18, 2013 • 15 Comments

Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules.  These weather conditions are God’s way ensuring a natural selection process for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

John The Aussie

Urban Legend – Shy Guy

•January 27, 2013 • 19 Comments

Another urban legend, a story told over and over again… This one is told in variations, in different bars and pubs around mine sites all over Australia…

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “NO! I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.John The Aussie

 Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology, and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, “What do you mean $200..?!?!”

John The Aussie

Aussie BBQ #2 (Happy Australia Day!)

•January 26, 2013 • 20 Comments

John The Aussie

In Australia we are about to enter the barbecue season, therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion:

Routine:

The woman buys the food.

The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes the dessert.

The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL

More routine:

The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN

More Routine:

The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

EVERYONE PRAISES THE MAN AND THANKS HIM FOR HIS COOKING EFFORTS.

The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off and upon seeing her annoyed reaction concludes that there is just no pleasing some women.

Now for some more Aussie songs:

For those curious, yes I can play the didgeridoo, but often I fail doing the circular breathing screwing up the song… I’ll explain later my experience with didgeridoo’s…

 
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